Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[515bonner]

[Ylem]

[Nakedgun]

~

There's the story of the man in the snappy business suit who walks into a bar and sits down.

He starts dialing numbers like there is a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up to his cheek and begins talking.

Suspicious, the bartender walks over and tells him that this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble.

The man says, "You don't understand, I'm very high tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying my mobile."

The bartender says, "Prove it."

The man dials up a number and holds his hand out to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.

"That's incredible" admits the bartender, "I would never have believed it."

"Yeah," says the man, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where's the men's room?"

The bartender directs him.

The man goes in, and 5, 10, then 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return.

Fearing the worst, given the area, the bartender goes into the men's room to check on the man.

He is spread-eagle up against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper stuck up his butt.

"My God!" says the bartender, "Did they rob you, are you hurt?"

The man turns and says, "Oh no, I'm OK. I'm just waiting to receive a fax."



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[OzEclipse]

[DeanD]

Screenshot 2023-05-28 at 4.37.13 PM.png

We used to get rat entrails in the hall. Birds were saved for the wardrobes: at least their feathers were...

(BTW, our cat was called "Frankie Knuckles" thanks to our son who thought she(!) had lots of "street cred", and she lived up to the name. )

[gregl]

[Ylem]

[DeanD]

[OzEclipse]

A blonde was sick and tired of being the butt of jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown.

She went for a drive in the country and saw a flock of sheep. She pulled over and said to the farmer, “Oh, how adorable!”

"If I can guess exactly how many sheep you have, can I take one home as a pet?"

The farmer being a bit of a gambler, took the bet. She cast her gaze over the flock and said, “one hundred and fifty-seven.”

The farmer was amazed that she got it right, honoured the bet and let her pick out a sheep which she put in the car to take home.

As she was getting ready to leave, the farmer came up to her and said, “If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

[pakarinen]

Who's really behind that avatar?

[Ylem]

9

[chicagorandy]

[AntennaGuy]

Just saw this one in the comment section on Instapundit. It made me laugh. But then, I tend to like goat jokes.
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/47 ... =800&h=960

[Butterfly Maiden]

[515bonner]

[Ylem]

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[DeanD]

345839393_656952609604118_8484866508659537338_n.jpg

Yeah, reality isn't all it is cracked up to be: especially the last few years...

[Chich]

[chicagorandy]

[Nakedgun]

~

There's the story of two 90-year-old men, Moe and Sam, who have been friends all their lives. It seems that Sam is dying, so Moe comes to visit him.

"Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved baseball all our lives. You gotta do me one favor. When you go, somehow you gotta tell me if there's baseball in heaven."

Sam looks up from his deathbed and says, "Moe, you have been my friend many years. This favor I'll do for you." And with that, Sam passes on.

It is midnight a couple of nights later. Moe is sound asleep when a distant voice calls out to him, "Moe....Moe...."

"Who is it?" Moe says, sitting upright suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Moe, it's Sam."

"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam died."

"I'm telling you," insists the voice, "It's me, Sam!"

"Sam? Is that you?, Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," says Sam, "is that there is baseball in heaven."

"Really?" says Moe, "That's wonderful! What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday!"


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