Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[chicagorandy]

[Makuser]

With all of the chaos in the world today, I thought that I would put this up on here. Captain Kirk and the crew of the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701) were in deep space at warp speed and unknowingly went through a time portal. They were sent from the 23rd century back to the year 2021. They couldn't find the time portal again, so Captain Kirk told Helmsman Sulu to lay in a course back to Earth. As they neared Earth Science Officer Spock started scanning our planet and this is what he found :

[chicagorandy]

A TALE FROM THE VET'S OFFICE -

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."

[chicagorandy]

A nine minute 'dad joke' paradise -

[turboscrew]

A TALE FROM THE VET'S OFFICE -

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."

[Refractordude]

Two good ones.

[turboscrew]

A real mini van.

pizza.jpg (49.98 KiB) Viewed 3726 times

[DeanD]

My wife would say "How could you ever date any man then: where do you find one who is an adult on the inside?" ...

[Ylem]

Never trust an atom, they make everything up.

[pakarinen]

A real mini van.

Europe has the coolest vehicles, especially truck campers / caravans / whatever they're called.

[Ylem]

1633791284954.png (109.37 KiB) Viewed 3705 times

[Chich]

[chicagorandy]

[AntennaGuy]

It's been practically 24 hours and no new joke posted?? Is that because... no one dares to post the 5000th joke?
Ha ha ha! This is it!

[turboscrew]

[gregl]

Well, how about 5001?

[chicagorandy]

Yes - this IS a rerun meme, but I still find it funny.

[OzEclipse]

It's been practically 24 hours and no new joke posted?? Is that because... no one dares to post the 5000th joke?
Ha ha ha! This is it!

I should have noted it and used my vacuum cleaner joke that was published in the "What have you been up to lately?" thread.
viewtopic.php?f=28&t=9391#p173628

I first came up with this on Facebook in response to a friend of mine. She was posting multiple videos of multiple snakes on her rear deck.

[DeanD]

It's been practically 24 hours and no new joke posted?? Is that because... no one dares to post the 5000th joke?
Ha ha ha! This is it!

I should have noted it and used my vacuum cleaner joke that was published in the "What have you been up to lately?" thread.
viewtopic.php?f=28&t=9391#p173628

I first came up with this on Facebook in response to a friend of mine. She was posting multiple videos of multiple snakes on her rear deck.

Mind you, that has to be one of the worst "Dad's jokes" I have heard in a long time. (I love it!)

[chicagorandy]

Apologies to any true arachnophobes out there -