Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[Ylem]

[Chich]

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard and German are watching a street performer. The performer notices that they don't have a very good view so hops up on a platform and asks "Can you see me now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

[OzEclipse]

[AntennaGuy]

Ahhh...

[GCoyote]

[Chich]

Like I-95.jpg

Sort of feel they missed a big chance during covid lock downs. No one on the hwys, crews could work and even maintain the 2m spacing.

Oh wait, just got it - No one to inconvenience. What was I thinking!

[OzEclipse]

Context for overseas readers:-
In Australia, we have two big supermarket chains that have most of the market share, Woolworths (nickname "Woollies") and Coles.


Luckily there is a Woolies up the road …..

Last week I was at my local Coles buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my cute laboradoodle and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What, did she think I had an elephant?

So, since I'm impulsive, like to have fun and as my wife says, “sometimes misread the room”, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

But I explained to her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again. (By this stage I had quite an audience building – I was on a roll.)

Her face was pale. She asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

They had to call the first aid officer for the guy behind her who had such a coughing fit from laughing.

Anyway, I’m now banned from Coles, luckily there’s a Woolies up the road.

[Ylem]

Like I-95.jpg

And stop driving yourself crazy driving in circles on those beltways!

[AntennaGuy]

So... this can actually happen, in real life, not just cartoons?

[Chich]

.

[Ylem]

501861-e7cdba908926354a72668ee144ba79f9.jpg (34.79 KiB) Viewed 1400 times

[Ylem]

[Nakedgun]

~

There's the story of the man who walks into a bar, drinks a lot, then the bartender tosses him out for being too drunk.

The drunk walks back into the bar.

Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk.

Again, the drunk walks into the bar.

As the bartender grabs him by the collar, the drunk says, "Just how many bars do you own, anyway?"



.

[Ylem]

[Ylem]

[chicagorandy]

[chicagorandy]

[Ylem]

501538-0de5c7e3b34fa193591ec54220e4f90d.jpg (32.61 KiB) Viewed 1148 times

[chicagorandy]

With Father's Day almost upon us, I wanted to boldly post a picture of my pride and joy.

[515bonner]