Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[chicagorandy]

#1 I had to have explained to me, #2 look very close

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I was teaching a young colleague how to replace the ionisation filament in our mass spectrometer one day. i asked him to undo the bolts on the flange. He immediately grabbed a 10" shift spanner. i stopped him, explained it was a German manufactured machine and he'd need a 250mm metric shift spanner. He dutifully started looking for one. I then let him in on the joke and explained that in fact, I stopped him because I didn't want him to burr all my flange bolts with a shift spanner and that he needed to use an offset 13mm ring spanner.

For the pictures with the two cars, is it that they rhyme? Gran Torino, El camino?

The flames are painted on backwards because the Pinto gas tank sometimes exploded on impact in a crash.

[AntennaGuy]

#1 I had to have explained to me, #2 look very close

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As "an older guy," I think the first one is funny (but sad, too) due to the association of the Ford Pinto and its unfortunate tendency toward catching fire if struck in the rear-end. https://www.motortrend.com/features/ford-pinto/

Added: Ah, Chicagorandy beat me to it.

[Chich]

The flames are painted on backwards because the Pinto gas tank sometimes exploded on impact in a crash.

And it has the gasoline hazmat placard on the back to boot.

[chicagorandy]

[Chich]

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If it wasn't for black humour I wouldn't make it through most days

[Lady Fraktor]

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If it wasn't for black humour I wouldn't make it through most days

It probably says something about my personality but I do agree

[OzEclipse]

A fisherman was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. .. ....
(get ready)
'You just happened to catch my eye.'