Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[Ylem]

[SparWeb]

lunar x.jpg

Maybe someone was playing tic-tac-toe on the moon. And "O" won. ....and then rubbed it in.

[OzEclipse]

[gregl]

[gregl]

[chicagorandy]

I'm 73-1/2 yrs old and in the spirit of looking for the silver lining......

On a plus side, the older I get the less it costs to buy a lifetime supply of anything.

[Ylem]

hoard.jpg

That was my dad's favourite, fortunately we clean his crap out before he passed, he even sold his house and rented an apartment to down size.

[Ylem]

[turboscrew]

[Ylem]

[PapaFox]

[OzEclipse]

Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group or forum?
• 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
• 6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
• Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
• 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jackasses.
• 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
• 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
• 249 to post memes and gifs (several are of someone eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
• 19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
• 11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
• 12 to post F.
• 8 to ask what F means.
• 16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
• 3 to say "can't share"
• 2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
• 36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
• 15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
• 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
• 4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
• 13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
• 1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.
• 50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
• 5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
• 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

[SparWeb]

Have you ever noticed...?

... To write with a broken pencil,
is pointless."

... When fish are in schools,
they sometimes take debate.

... A thief who stole a calendar
got twelve months.

... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles
U.C.L.A.

... The batteries were given out
free of charge

... A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.

... A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage,
she got a new name and a dress.

... A boiled egg
is hard to beat.

... When you've seen one shopping center
you've seen a mall.

... Police were summoned to a daycare center
where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

... Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

... A bicycle can't stand alone;
it's just two tired.

... When a clock is hungry
it goes back four seconds.

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.

... When she saw her first strands of grey hair
she thought she'd dye.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done.
That's the point of it.

... Those who get too big for their pants
will be totally exposed in the end.

... You can tune a piano,
but you can't tuna fish.

[Makuser]

... A thief who stole a calendar
got twelve months.

... A person who worked in a calendar printing plant got fired
for taking a day off.

... Lately our mailbox is just flooded with advertisements for cremation services
and it is starting to burn me up.

... I thought about having my vision checked
but I just couldn't see doing that.

... My wife suggested that I get an audiologist test
but I wouldn't hear of it.

... An old late 1950's car that we once owned came with a push button transmission.

Push Button Transmission.jpg (48.92 KiB) Viewed 1512 times

When the buttons stopped working you got out and pushed the car.

[Makuser]

Sorry gals but I couldn't resist and you married folks will know what I am talking about. My wife never complains about my telescopes and eyepieces collection so I just accept this too because; "A happy wife is a happy life".

Have a great weekend everybody.

[Ylem]

They say we learn from our mistakes.

I must be getting really smart.

[chicagorandy]

My girlfriend just took a trip to the Bahamas.
Jamaica?
No - she went of her own free will.


I just found a Greek urn.
What's a Greek urn?
Oh.... about $8.75 an hour.


I'm looking everywhere for a henway.
What's a henway?
About 3-4 pounds.

[Ylem]

Son: Happy Father's Day, Dad

Dad: Happy Sunday, Son

[Gordon]

[SparWeb]

I'm in the mood for:





The Galaxy Song

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at 900 miles an hour.
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,
The sun that is the source of all our power.
Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour,
Of a galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars;
It's a hundred thousand light-years side to side;
It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand light-years thick,
But out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide.
We're thirty thousand light-years from Galactic Central Point,
We go 'round every two hundred million years;
And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whiz;
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth;
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

(From Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life. Sung by Eric Idle)