Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[Graeme1858]

No more days off for you!

Every day will be a day off!

[Lady Fraktor]

No more days off for you!

Every day will be a day off!

[Chich]

[DeanD]

A translation issue...

For all those who, like me, have tried to understand and communicate with people from other cultures (even when they apparently speak the same language). Sent by my son who has traitorously become a British citizen.

FWIW, I sent the following reply to my son:
"I hear what you are saying, and I am tempted to say (with the greatest respect), “That’s interesting”: but I would suggest that I might be misconstrued…
However, I’ll bear all this in mind next time I am talking with someone from the UK… "

- you can try your own translation of that.

[pakarinen]

British–Translator.jpeg

Sounds like typical corporate speak in the US.

[Graeme1858]

A translation issue...

Very interesting.

Graeme
(From the UK)

[Nakedgun]

~

Fearing her marriage was crumbling, a woman visited a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions.

In the dark and hazy room, she told the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness. The mystic peered into her crystal ball, looked at the woman and gave her the grave news: "There is no easy way to say this...your husband is planning to move all of the money in your joint account to an offshore bank, then file for divorce and marry his tennis instructor."

She sighs heavily, peers again into the crystal ball again, the gasps. "Wait!" she says, "You must prepare yourself. Before he can do these things, he will die a violent and horrible death."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the crystal ball, then down at her own hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
~


I thought I'd get a reading from the fortune teller myself, but the sign on her door read: "Closed due to unforeseen circumstances."



.

[DeanD]

~

I thought I'd get a reading from the fortune teller myself, but the sign on her door read: "Closed due to unforeseen circumstances."



.

I have often wondered why they have to advertise so extensively when they have a "Psychic Fair" in our city?

[OzEclipse]

From now on, it'll never be said that airport ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for!

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you're right.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

By the way, according to the report, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Really inspires alot of confidence doesn't it?

[AntennaGuy]

Some people put birdbaths in their yards, so the birds can refresh themselves. But I really admire the thoughtfulness of the folks who installed this bearbath.

[Gordon]

Q: How many group members does it take to change light bulb ?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
15 to say "can't share"
2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
20 to give up on TSS and take their dogs for a walk instead.*****
And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.

[Chich]

[OzEclipse]

[pakarinen]

[Ylem]

Meanwhile at the telescope store;

512131-0dfd4a02b1dd9f706ff941bff166b763.jpg (14.54 KiB) Viewed 945 times

[DeanD]

Meanwhile at the telescope store;
512131-0dfd4a02b1dd9f706ff941bff166b763.jpg

But does it match the amount that has gone from our joint bank account?

[pakarinen]

But does it match the amount that has gone from our joint bank account?

.
Just take out cash in dribs and drabs for "miscellaneous" expenses.

Seriously, it's amazes me how much money "evaporates" on small daily expenses if I don't track it.

[Bigzmey]

[gregl]

[gregl]