Clean, fun jokes... the tradition continues

[DeanD]

note to self.jpg

My wife always says: "You know when you are getting old when you are on the floor and keep looking around for things to do before you have to get up again."...

(Although on a serious note: as we get older we should practice getting up from the floor every day.)

[DeanD]

The new imperial walker

IMG_5238.PNG

It would be so cool if the laser guns actually worked.

[GCoyote]

note to self.jpg

My wife always says: "You know when you are getting old when you are on the floor and keep looking around for things to do before you have to get up again."...

(Although on a serious note: as we get older we should practice getting up from the floor every day.)

.
Well I'm already down here, I should probably be cleaning something.

[pakarinen]

[gregl]

[GCoyote]

[gregl]

[gregl]

[chicagorandy]

So I get home yesterday afternoon and Max is laying on the deck covered in dirt and mud and has a rabbit in his mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty.

Now, my neighbors raised these rabbits for 4H and have blue ribbon winners. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I get the rabbit away from Max, I take it inside, wash all the dirt off and before my neighbors got home I took it over, put him back in the cage and went back home.

Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming, so I go out and ask them what's wrong?


They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

[chicagorandy]

[Lady Fraktor]

[gregl]

A couple of days ago a woman holding a little baby was riding on the bus. The bus stops at Broadway and Maple and this guy gets on and takes a look at the woman and the little baby, and his eyes bug out and his jaw drops. Then he says, “That has got to be the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen. If I had one like that I’d send it back.”

The woman looks up at this man and starts to cry. As the man brushes past, she becomes more upset and by now is crying loudly. The bus driver looks over his shoulder and, looking at the baby, says, “Jeez, Joe, you’re right. That thing makes me retch.” At this point the driver makes the lady get off the bus.

So she’s sitting on the bus stop bench just bawling her eyes out when a man comes over and asks what’s wrong. She’s sobbing so hard that she can’t even talk. The man says, “You need something to drink. Wait here and I’ll be right back.” A moment later he returns. “Here. Take this shot of brandy. You’ll feel much better. And look. I brought a banana for the monkey.”

[GCoyote]

Stolen from a friend: Apologies in advance.
A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom.
Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.
As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.
Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elephant Squire had ten sons, but the Hippo Squire was childless. The Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their eighteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire, but the Hippo Squire drew his sword and single-handedly slaughtered all eighteen of them.
And thus, it was proven once and for all that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

[GCoyote]

[Ylem]

466986-f7fa790bbcbd88ffc3be2bd89a069dd5.jpg (38.28 KiB) Viewed 1536 times

[DeanD]

Stolen from a friend: Apologies in advance.
A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom.
Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.
As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.
Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elephant Squire had ten sons, but the Hippo Squire was childless. The Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their eighteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire, but the Hippo Squire drew his sword and single-handedly slaughtered all eighteen of them.
And thus, it was proven once and for all that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

That was really bad!, but apology accepted (sort of...)

Issac Azimov would have been proud of your pun.

[gregl]

[gregl]

[Ylem]

[pakarinen]